


i couldn't write a love song that captures you if i tried

by blushandbooks



Series: Julie and the Phantoms Appreciation Week 2020 [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: F/M, and being awkward lil babies, i have this headcanon that luke spends a ton of nights in julie's room bc ray will never find out, its just them cuddling lmao, so here it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27252433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blushandbooks/pseuds/blushandbooks
Summary: imagine: julie and luke can cuddle in bed all they want because ray will never catch them. this is that, and the events leading up to it.julie and the phantoms appreciation week, day three: write about your favorite ship on the show.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson
Series: Julie and the Phantoms Appreciation Week 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999300
Comments: 37
Kudos: 380





	i couldn't write a love song that captures you if i tried

Julie never thought that anything in her life could be as painful as losing her mother. 

(And logically, there shouldn’t be, right? That would be too much for a young girl to handle.)

But her nightmares could never lie to her. For months, she had been subjected to horrifying dreams that all ended the same way: Her mother dying. Whether she was in a chair next to her mom’s hospital bed and listening to the heart monitor flatline or at school when her father calls her to break the news, she wakes up in the same state of a sweaty, tear-streaked face and such heavy breathing that she wonders if she had another panic attack. 

She still gets these nightmares, but not as often. Her dad doesn’t think she gets them at all -- if he did, she would still be going to Dr. Turner. And Julie really does not want to have to do that again. 

But going back to her nightmares and her pain -- she couldn’t conceive anything as painful. Yet here she is, facing the terror of more of her loved ones leaving: Her band. 

This time, it isn’t cancer; this time, there’s no hospital. It’s her home garage where they’ve been “living” (poor choice of words) since they arrived, and it is these shocks of piercing pain that strike unexpectedly. 

_ Electric hammer to the heart. _

_ The irony of the lyric would make Julie laugh if Dream-Her wasn’t screaming and sobbing at watching them wince and groan in pain.  _

_ “Go! Go to Caleb’s club, right now, please! It’s better than not existing at all!” _

_ Luke refuses; the rest of the guys follow suit.  _

_ Another shot of pain. _

_ More crying.  _

_ The boys can barely stand, so she kneels next to Luke; who looks up at her with teary, heartbroken eyes. More of her own tears fall.  _

_ “No music is worth making, Julie, if I’m not making it with you.” _

_ She loves him. She loves all of them, so much, that it hurts. She feels the same pressure in her heart that she did when her mom died -- it feels how one would imagine heartbreak would feel. They can’t leave her. Not like everybody else. _

_ Luke brushes a strand of hair out of her face, and Julie is startled when her cheek tingles where his finger trailed by. She desperately clutches his hand, something she’s wanted to do but was never able to, as Alex grunts in the corner -  _

_ “No regrets.” _

_ The jolt hits them again. Reggie speaks next; with a damp face and trembling bottom lip, looking like a little kid who just scraped their knee for the first time. _

_ “Thank you for everything, Julie.” _

_ “No. No, guys, please, please-” _

_ The three guys scream -- the kind of scream, Julie imagines, would come out if one was getting branded with a flaming hot iron. She cries, alone, because no one else can see them but her, and after a few seconds -- _

_ They've disappeared. And she’ll never see them again. _

Julie wakes up with a cry, and she continues sobbing, because it feels like that dream is still playing all around her. The fantasy has trapped her and in the world that she just woke up in, the boys are gone. It’s just her. Again.

The heartache is there too, and as she struggles to take deep breaths, it dulls. Slightly. She is starting to grasp reality after turning on her lamp but it’s barely there, and she wishes she could tell her dad so that he could hug her, and she wishes her mom was here, and she wants to see the guys more than anything.

She wants Luke. She can touch him now. Imagine what a hug from him could do for her in this moment. The idea of running out of the house, into the garage, and into Luke's arms tempts her so desperately it hurts, but the risk of waking her dad is too great, so she’ll just have to settle for herse--

“Julie?”

His voice. His perfect, adorable voice that says her name in the most angelic way where she never wants him to stop saying it--

She looks up. Luke is hovering by her window. His slight blush glows in the soft lamp light, and she wonders what he has to be bashful about -- she’s the one who looks like she went to Hell and back. 

(She might’ve.)

When he realizes her current emotional state, visible panic rises --  _ the only thing worse than one girl crying is Julie Molina crying _ \-- but he covers it up pretty well. It is replaced instantaneously by deep-rooted concern and pain. 

_ He never wants to see her cry. _

His presence, which she has yearned for so desperately, overwhelms her. Julie wants to say something, but all of the words come out as tears in her eyes. She can’t help it, he’s there, when she thought he was gone forever, and nightmares like this don’t come very often and she just wanted to see him and--

The tears flow. They burst, actually, out of her eyes and down her face so that she can’t even see Luke’s reaction.

She only feels it when his arms wrap around her; warm and tight and almost forceful.

(Like if he squeezes her hard enough, the hurt will go away. If anyone can make that happen, it’s him.)

Julie is fully aware of her surroundings, now grounded by Luke’s presence, and she shifts over a little to make room for him on the bed. He was barely balanced on his knees, and now he’s fully sitting with Julie practically in his lap -- legs and arms twisted around his body. 

“Take a deep breath,” he mumbles, curling his left hand into her hair. In response to the action, she hums, and presses her face further into his neck. The flannel is soft against her cheek. 

He feels her breathing as she takes an inhale and exhale; muscles relaxing by the second. Impossibly, he tightens his right arm around her. He has become her human shield.

(Literally and figuratively. If he could, he would die again for Julie.)

After a few beats, her breathing has stabilized and she gently lifts her forehead from his shoulder. She worries that he’ll be horrified at how disheveled she probably looks, but all that he can focus on is how soft her skin is under his hand, how close her face is to his, and how her eyes sparkle in the lamp light coming from behind him.

“Hey,” he whispers with a small smile at the corner of his mouth. Julie breathes what he would call a sigh of relief, and gives him a weak -- but genuine -- smile in return.

“Hey.”

Her heartbeat slows as her adrenaline relaxes; but it threatens to kick back up as she processes her current position with Luke. Her legs tightened around him, his arms cradling her like she's worth something, and ehr genuine empathy all over his face --- the combination of it all is making her stomach buzz and chest ache in a delicious way.

Her attention is retrieved when his eyebrows knot and his mouth opens to speak.

"Do you wanna talk about it? Are you feeling better?"

A few stray tears flee Julie's eyes as she blinks and nods. 

"I feel so much better," she sighs. His concern relaxes as his right hand raises up to curl a strand of hair around his finger. "How did you know to come up here?"

"My chest hurt," he mumbles, suddenly avoiding her eyes. "And my heart was beating really fast. And then I saw your lamp turn on and I thought I'd come up and check on you."

Julie is tired. Emotionally, and physically, so it's no surprise when her will power disintegrates in seconds and she lets herself say:

"I wanted to see you. I had a nightmare… About losing you and the band… I just wanted to see you. I only wanted to see you."

Luke's right hand wanders from her hair to her cheek and down to her neck, lightly latching around the back and using his thumb to swipe at the few remaining trails of tears on Julie's face. Her confession vibrates through his veins as confirmation of something that they both knew was there --- it was just waiting on someone to act on it.

"I'm right here, Jules. You have me. You've always had me. You'll always have me."

There's a pause as their eyes lock together.

"I will never leave you, Julie."

He thought it was the right thing to say because it's how he feels --- he doesn't want to ever leave her. They're partners now, in so many ways, they're bound together. All of them. 

But all it does is make her eyes well all over again, and she begins to pull away.

"Julie-"

"Don't make promises that you can't keep, Luke."

"I didn't-"

"You don't know that you'll never leave me. You can't guarantee that."

She stands up and gets off of the bed, walking over to her vanity to look at herself in the mirror and wipe her eyes. Luke follows.

"I don't care. I'm staying with you, Julie, whatever way I have to."

She breaks down again. 

Luke, now adjusted to handling an emotionally distressed Julie, grabs her by both sides of her faces and practically forces her to look at him.

"Julie, breathe, please. Try to breathe."

As she concentrates on her air intake, Luke thinks about the triggering thought of her losing them --- and decides to probe her further.

"Is that what your nightmare was about? Losing us?"

"The night of the Orpheum," Julie nods, "the jolts destroyed you guys. I watched it happen."

Luke can only imagine the nightmare --- he's thought about what could have been on that night as well. He nods his head in sync with Julie's and leans in closer to her, making sure she feels that he's there with her.

"I'm right here."

"I know," she whispers. "You're right here."

"With you," he continues.

"With me."

Her hands reach up and grab his, lightly pulling them from her face so that she can close any remaining space between them and press their foreheads together. His bangs are soft against her forehead, and the contact spreads comfort across her skin to smooth the raised goosebumps. 

“Julie, I…” Luke starts to whisper something, so quiet that Julie had to strain to listen. His voice sounds like whatever he is about to say is teetering on the edge of a cliff. 

“Yeah?” She whispers back. Does she want to push him?

“I… I’ve gotten a lot better with crying girls, haven’t I?”

He retreats from the edge. Jumping from that cliff would have added more emotion to an already tough night. He didn't need to unpack all of that right now. 

She knew, didn't she? She had to know how he felt about her. 

On her end, she tries not to let the disappointment crush her. Maybe she's imagined everything the whole time.

_ But he's here, isn't he? _

"Yeah," she sniffles. "Huge improvement." 

They both look up to each other and lock eyes, and burst out with small laughs at the thought of Luke's past struggles with crying girls. 

"Let's try and get you a good night's sleep, alright? You've got school tomorrow."

"I could always skip, hang out with you."

Her exhaustion is so strong and her emotions are running so high that she doesn't care what she says anymore. She’s getting close to saying fuck it and telling him she loves him.

Meanwhile, his heart skips a beat, or a hundred. A flying feeling courses through his chest. 

"As much as I'd love that, you gotta go. I need you to stay in the band."

"I know," she grumbles. Luke pulls away from her, still holding onto her hand, and tries to pull her to her bed. She glares at it with fear, shaking her head. "I don't wanna."

Luke glances back at her, and notices her visible anxiety about having another nightmare. He tugs on her hand a little harder -- contemplating what to say next.

"What if… What if I stayed? Until you fell asleep?"

Julie doesn't think she could make it through the night with him next to her, and simultaneously, it feels like the only remedy to her fears. She worries it won't be how she's imagined; she worries it will be everything she's hoped for and more. 

"Yeah," she nods, gathering her thoughts. "I'd… I'd love that. Please."

Like a gentleman, he gestures for her to crawl in first -- but the bed is an unwelcome sight without him waiting for her in it. Sighing, he jumps onto the mattress and throws the sheets to the side to get himself under and make room for her. 

Finally, she crawls in next to him and turns off her light immediately.

"Can ghosts sleep?" Julie whispers into the dark. 

"Not really," Luke tells her. "Can you sleep?"

"I don't know yet."

With enhanced confidence due to the fact that she can't see him very well or very clearly, Julie shifts over into his space and partially drapes herself across his torso. Her arm is latched around his stomach while her head is tucked in between his shoulder and his neck, and she even brings her right leg to tangle with his. 

He's a ghost, technically he doesn't breathe, but she swears she felt his breath stop in his throat. Another interesting observation: He's warm. Like, any regular teenage boy warm. It radiates from him and seeps into her skin like a blanket. 

"You're comfy," she mumbles, half-aware and slurring her words. 

Luke, still in shock from her actions, just begins to bring his arms around her. Some might be shocked by this, but this is the furthest level of intimacy he has made it to with someone he has romantic feelings for. 

Well, he hasn't had romantic feelings for that many people before either. In fact, he's never loved anyone like he loves Julie. 

"Are you comfy?" He whispers comfortingly in her ear. She simply hums a response back, and burrows her head further into his neck. Her nose brushes against his collarbone and it takes everything in him not to sigh. "Goodnight, Jules."

She doesn't say anything back. She's already asleep in his arms.

\---

The morning light is surprisingly harsh when Julie opens her eyes. She is disoriented for a brief moment, trying to remember where she is and what happened last night--- 

Speaking of, what happened last night is still in bed right next to her. And he’s actually sleeping (she thinks). While she contemplates waking him up, she checks her phone and sees that her alarm is going to go off in 24 seconds. Not wanting it to ring and wake her bandmate, she turns it off, and looks back to Luke. He has the natural energy of an over-excited puppy, and right now, he has that exact energy, except he’s just a sleeping puppy. 

Maybe she could just cuddle next to him for like, five more minutes? Her dad wouldn’t notice; he’s probably too busy burning breakfast to notice if she’s a few minutes---

“Julie?” Her dad’s voice comes from the other side of her bedroom door, followed by a few raps of his knuckles. Luke jolts awake next to her. “Mija, are you up?”

“Um,” she says, matching Luke in a panicked look. “Yeah, I’m up! Just one sec-”

Ray twists the doorknob to come inside, now knowing that Julie is up. Dread sinks into her stomach, Luke is right next to her, and he’s about to flash out -- but Ray doesn’t even look at him. 

Oh my God. He’s a literal ghost. How did they forget?

Luke chooses not to flash out, and instead remains next to her in bed. 

“Buenos días, mija. Breakfast is downstairs. Carlos approved of it, so maybe you can go a day without eating an apple or something.”

“Great!” Julie puts on her strongest smile and her usual “trying-to-act-natural-while-her-ghost-band-is-around” voice. Ray doesn’t seem to notice. “I’ll be right down, Papa.”

“Perfect. Sorry to interrupt your morning routine. See you downstairs. Love you.”

“Love you too!”

Her dad makes a quick and smooth exit, leaving Julie and Luke to let out air that they had been holding in out of anxiousness. Julie checks her phone again -- if she doesn’t get started now, she’ll be late to school. 

“That was close. I can’t believe we forgot he couldn’t see you,” she comments, dropping her phone onto the bed. “I gotta get ready for school--”

“Right, right, I’ll just--”

He awkwardly gets off of her bed and starts towards her window, as if he’s going to escape out of it like they’re in a romcom. Suddenly, the energy is more tense, like neither of them are ready to discuss anything that happened last night. 

Well, Luke isn’t, at least. Julie kind of is.

“Before you go,” she starts, “Thank you. For last night. That was… Really nice. If you ever wanna… Uh… Do it again, I’d like that.”

Her words freeze Luke to the spot he’s standing in, and she makes a hasty exit from her room to go to the bathroom and start her day. She moves through her usual routine like a robot, programmed to perform certain actions, because her brain is more focused on the fact that she slept with her crush last night.

Would one even call Luke a crush anymore? She’s pretty sure Nick was a crush, but Luke was -- how can she even describe it -- established. Predetermined. Destined. 

_ Natural.  _

She’s probably barely going to be able to focus on school today, but she’ll have to try her best. As she walks out of the front door and down the driveway where her dad is waiting in the car, she catches Reggie, Alex and Luke outside of the garage, waiting to say goodbye to her. 

“Bye Julie!” Reggie waves. “Have a good day!”

“See you at practice!” Alex yells after her.

“See ya, Jules,” Luke calls out, different from the rest. There’s a secretiveness, a knowledge of something only the two of them share. 

Ray honks in the car, so Julie gives them a small smile, engages in lingering eye contact with Luke, and walks away.

\---

Luke comes back that night. After a romantically-charged rehearsal (and many, many occurrences of Alex saying “do Reggie and I need to leave you two alone?”), Julie didn’t see them the rest of the evening. Now, she was in her pajamas, getting ready for bed, and turning over to smell Luke’s cologne on the other half of her pillow. 

(Don’t ask why she can smell it. Ghosts can’t wear cologne, but around Julie, they can do anything, apparently.)

The familiar sound of Luke poofing in the room was heard behind her, and she turned around to see him standing timidly next to her window, playing with his fingers. 

“Hey,” he exhales, fighting off a smile until he sees her reaction. 

“Hey.” She’s hopeful -- he didn’t have to come back, but he did. “What, uh… Great rehearsal, today. You were great.”

Grinning, he takes small steps closer to her.

“And you killed it. You carried us, like always.”

Her blush is the product of many factors: His compliments, his proximity, the look in his eyes that he gets like she’s a clear night sky with a million twinkling stars. She’s speechless towards his sudden boldness, and has to change the subject or she’ll throw herself at him. 

“So… What’s up?”

Luke blinks and looks around, as if he forgot he was in Julie’s room, as if he forgot he had a purpose for being there. 

“Right, uh--” He scratches the back of his head like he always does when he’s nervous. “You said if I ever felt like coming back… And now that we know your dad can’t catch us…”

Julie’s brain quickly short-circuits. In fact, it’s all his fault that she chooses to walk right up to him and kiss him -- because he’s the one saying things like that, and wanting to come and spend another night, and looking so fucking adorable while doing it too. 

(Really, how dare he?)

He’s shocked at first, but not for long. His hands reach up behind her neck and fist in the curls of her hair, and he would be a liar if he said this isn’t what he dreamt about last night. Her left hand falls from his cheek and slides around his back instead, latching onto his shirt. It’s fervent, but loving; it’s heated, but gentle. She’s the one making the moves and pushing for more -- he’s following her lead. He’ll give her anything she wants.

When they part, Julie is bright red, and Luke is glowing similar to the way he did the night of the Orpheum. She can’t tell if he’s actually glowing or if the look on his face is just so happy that it seems like he is. 

“So,” Luke begins, brushing his thumbs along her cheeks. “That’s a yes to me staying tonight?”

Relieved at his reaction, she laughs. 

“Yes. Tonight, and… Any night after.”

It’s a question presented in the form of a casual offer. Luke can’t fight his grin this time -- it’s hard being a ghost, but he might have hit the jackpot in the fact that he can cuddle and sleep with the girl he adores without her dad catching them. 

“I think I’d like that,” he responds, suddenly shy. His mood always seems to reflect Julie’s. It’s a wonder either of them ever manage to make moves when they’re twiddling their thumbs half the time.

The two of them situate themselves in her bed identical to the way they were the night before. Julie turns off her lamp and makes herself comfortable within Luke’s personal space bubble, which he is significantly more prepared for than he was last night. He knows she’s trying to sleep, and he also knows that tomorrow is a school day and that Julie needs rest with how busy she is, but he can’t help but let a small confession slip from his lips:

“I spent all day today trying to write you a song,” he whispers into her hair. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, and last night, but every time I wrote something it felt so weak. The guys said all of them were good, but it took me like seven tries to realize that I couldn’t write a love song that captures you if I tried.”

He feels Julie’s heart start to beat against his side. His hand rubs up and down against her back, content to let his words sit in the air between them, but she whispers a response into his shirt. 

“You should show me tomorrow. Then I can show you the one I wrote for you.”

His hand stills. 

“You wrote me something?”

“Yeah, but now I feel like it’s not enough after you started talking about how all your attempts paled in comparison to what you felt. I’m sure all of your songs are perfect. I think mine is actually pretty close to how I feel.”

Chuckling, he lets his hand resume it’s movements and he tightens his grip around her. It’s like she’s never close enough. 

“That’s ‘cause you’re the better writer.”

  
  
“I thought I made  _ you _ a better writer.”

“You do. But you’re the best writer.”

**Author's Note:**

> bea miller's newest album came out recently and "i never wanna die" is not only my favorite song but ironically PERFECT for juke. sooooo thats where the title came from. stream "elated" to support my girl bea.


End file.
